I had set out to write a post centered on Henry, my third puzzle piece that completed my heart. I have started several posts, and all of them took off on some other path that left Henry as a detail in the story. My sweet Henry boy is all main character energy and deserves to be seen in that light, but if I am being honest, he rarely is first on the list. It’s something I fret about a lot. He is just fine. Whip smart, funny, as handsome as his Daddy (he is a small clone), and his heart is huge and open. Henry is also perfectly happy most days at home. If given the choice to go out on the town, unless it involves a few of his favorite restaurants, his response is usually “Nah, let’s just go home and relax.” With Ava being a teenager, she had a high-demand high school life that is now a high-demand college life. Sam is in both ABA therapy three times a week and Speech and Occupational Therapy, plus a private gymnastics lesson weekly, because inclusion in our area is lacking, to say the least. Henry goes with the flow, happy to go to the playground or library and tell anyone who will listen his extensive knowledge of YouTubers and his favorite games. However, it is CONSTANTLY on my mind that we need to look into more for him. I am currently trying to work out the logistics of getting him to Boy Scouts, and trying to find a homeschool group that isn’t the same time we have to pick his brother up from therapy.
It will happen, it is NOW at the top of the list, and the reasonable voice in my head says, “He is fine, we are only 12 weeks into homeschool, and we just found our rhythm.” We also are not the type of family that wants to be busy every day. That just is not who we are, and from my perspective, this time together while they are little is so much more important than a full schedule. But last night, while running a fever and cuddling close to me, listening to me read from a chapter book we are reading as a family, he stopped me to say, “I wish I had more kids in my homeschool.” My sweet boy recently also asked for more siblings, and if I could magically build rooms onto our home, I would add children to our family until my husband said enough. In that moment last night, I felt as if I was failing, probably because everyone in the house had passed around a sickness, there were still toys everywhere from their birthday party, and we have been one parent down all week due to whatever crud gives a grown man a 103 degree fever. I stopped, though, took a breath, and told him that I was working on getting us more involved. Boy Scouts would start at the beginning of the year for him, and we would start back up the search for a church ( a magical combo of autism friendly with solid leadership, not an easy feat, and a whole other discussion). I braced myself for him to get upset or to point out my failure or his disappointment.
In that moment, I was worried he would say my biggest fears aloud, that I was not doing enough, that I was everything I doubted about myself, that I was spinning too many plates, and his was wobbling. But that didn’t happen. He just hugged me and told me, “I forgot about Boy Scouts mom, and I can’t wait to find a church we like”. I was not a failure. The plates were rotating once again, and my sweet boy cuddled back into my side. We finished the chapter, and I showed him a video about Emmylou Harris and played him a song. As his fever broke, he looked at me and kissed my cheek. ” I love you, Mom.”
I will never be able to in this life express to my children with words how much I love them. How special and unique each one of them is to me. I have to keep going, keep loving fiercely, and keep the most important plates spinning. A plate may crash to the floor now and then, but as long as my kids are ok, so am I. Henry just turned six a week ago, he will make many friends, and have so many experiences in this life. None of that can be forced or rushed. We have to remember that kids need us first, fully and completely, and the rest will fall into place.
While this still isn’t a post just about Henry, it does not cover how he can read up to a fifth-grade level, how he is learning to draw and is excellent at it, and how he adores music and instruments. He is an amazing brother and friend who cheers people on with the purest encouragement I have witnessed. This is a post about how he constantly puts things into simple, beautiful perspective for me, no small feat, that.