My last blog post was in April, a week after my son eloped from our home and was found roughly four hours later in the woods near our home by a k-9 cop; you can read about it here. After that day, I was suddenly faced with the wonderful world of PTSD and resetting my nervous system back to some sort of normal.
I think most parents of children on the spectrum are constantly in a state of extreme vigilance that our friends and family either do not understand or simply do not take the time to think about. That is no fault of their own; in fact, it’s a beautiful luxury I also took for granted in my years of motherhood before the word autism became part of my daily vocabulary.
Our home is our safe space; however, in the last 6 months it has been one of the few places I can take a deep breath and feel any kind of peace. All the doors have key locks, the windows are secure, there isn’t much he can do other than make a mess, and those are just fine because, to put it simply, I am grateful beyond words that he is here to make them. We cut ties with ABA, and while the reasons for that are many, a main factor is the lack of fencing around their playground and no regulation in our state on that matter. My anxiety is something I battle daily, and I am not willing to allow things I can control to make it worse.
This past week I made a video for my socials I had on my mind for a while about how the thing I currently want most is playgrounds to be fenced in, something rare in our part of Alabama. The instant attention and feedback showed me this is a common concern for parents with kids both on and off the spectrum. It just showed me another part of life that we must think about so much more than our peers. I sit with these thoughts a lot.
I have made a vow with myself to put more of myself out there in the world of Instagram and TikTok in hopes of connecting with other moms who understand, as well as to hopefully enlighten those that don’t. In the whole of Mark Zuckerberg’s internet, I find very few people with twins with different neurological needs, and I want to talk to all of them. I want to show that our decisions are maybe not what is right for everyone, but right for us. I want to show the grey areas in the black and white world of what people think parenthood should be. I also have nearly twenty (omg she is twenty in three weeks!!) years of motherhood under my belt and discover more about it on the hour. I don’t know if this is an attempt at being an influencer as much as it is to forge community and camaraderie with the moms and dads I know are out there.
So, I am back to blogging as well. I enjoy writing these so much, and I truly appreciate every time someone takes a moment to enter our little world. I am also active with my best friend Hope, making content with our Silly Goose Girls Night to bring joy and creativity into the busy lives of the women around us. So, if you are new here, or if we are old friends I want to say thank you for being here. Thank you for clicking the hearts, the reposts, the following. I may be getting over my own cringe factor daily, but I feel I have a lot to offer the world from my viewpoint and my experience, and I hope you can take away something from that. I often say, “I may not be an expert, but…” but maybe in my own way I am.